Hello and welcome to our festive edition of Mastermind. I’m Magnus Numpteys…
Could we invite our first contestant into the chair, please.
MN: Your name, please?
Contestant: Finance Bill.
FB: Finance and Accountancy Aficionado. Although some people say that I occasionally get the wrong end of the stick.
MN: And your specialist subject?
FB: Christmas cracker jokes and, er, finance.
MN: Okay, Finance Bill, your time on Christmas cracker jokes and finance starts now…
…How may accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
FB: 0.80 + VAT?
MN: What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
FB: A Holly Davidson?
MN: What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas dinner?
FB: Twerky? MN: Correct.
MN: What is the definition of ‘accountant’?
FB: Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand? MN: Correct.
MN: What do you call a group of vainglorious chess players in a hotel lobby?
FB: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer?
MN: Why did the accountant get excited when he completed a jigsaw puzzle in 42 weeks?
FB: Because on the box it said 8-12 years?
MN: How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
FB: No Brussels?
MN: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
MN: What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
FB: Someone who has a loophole named after them?
MN: What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
FB: One that’s deep-pan, crisp, and even?
MN: How does an accountant go wild when staying at a hotel?
FB: By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card?
MN: What happened to the man who stole an Advent calendar?
FB: He got 25 days?
MN: How do accountants make a bold fashion statement?
FB: By wearing light grey socks instead of their dark grey ones?
MN: What goes "Oh, oh, oh"?
FB: Santa walking backwards?
MN: [BUZZER SOUNDS] And finally, have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
FB: Er, no?
MN: Me neither. Correct.
Finance Bill, at the end of that round, you scored 15 points, with no passes.
Our next contestant, please…
How did you do?
We’re not suggesting you apply to go on Mastermind, but it’s never a bad thing to occasionally gen up on information that may affect your financial situation.
Although, perhaps not just yet, unless you still have your tax return to do. It is nearly Christmas, after all.
So, from everyone here at CW Towers, may we wish you all a very merry Christmas, and a healthy and happy 2018!
And please don’t overdo the twerky at your office party.